Is this love?
by itsnotonlyfiction
Summary: Based on the song, I slept with someone in Fallout Boy and all I got was this stupid song written about me by Fallout Boy. JonahxMatt Boy slash! You were warned.


_I found the cure to growing older__  
__And you're the only place that feels like home__  
__Just so you know, you'll never know__  
__And some secrets weren't meant to be told__  
__I found the cure to growing older_

I stared into the black glass, looking at the light. Two boys, one about my age, he looked jumpy, dark hair, I think that he had blue eyes. Very soulful blue eyes. This wasn't real, was it? I mean no one could get into that room could they, unless they had a key. I reached down for the doorknob and the boy looked at me, making me stop in my tracks, until I placed my hand onto the doorknob and burnt my hand. I pulled back quickly and looked into the glass. Everything was gone. The cancer must be getting to my head.

_I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends__  
__And I am sorry my conscience called in sick again__  
__And I've got arrogance down to a science__  
__Oh, and I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends_

When I was in the doctor's office the next day they called it hallucinations. I knew that what I saw was real. I knew it for a fact, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want my mom to worry about me any more than she already is. There was something about that boy that made me want him more than I should. I wanted to know his name. I wanted to know more about who he was and why he is in that room.

_[Chorus: x2]__  
__Douse yourself in cheap perfume it's__  
__So fitting, so fitting of the way you are__  
__You can't cover it up__  
__Can't cover it up_

I couldn't cover up the fact that I wanted to see him again. What was this feeling for this mystery boy? I couldn't stand it, so I waited up, waited for him, then he finally came, crystal eyes staring into mine.

"Matthew." He whispered.

"Who are you? What is your name?" I asked as he got closer.

"Jonah Aickman, and it might be best if you didn't know who I am or why I'm here." He whispered back.

"Please tell me about yourself, I am dying to know more." I closed my eyes.

"Are you begging to know about me?" He asked, and edge of nervousness to his voice.

"Yes." I whimpered.

_Find a safe place, brace yourself, bite your lip__  
__I'm sending your fingernails and empty bottles you've sipped__  
__Back to your family cause I know you will be missed__  
__So you can find a safe place, brace yourself_

He came back every day after that, opening up to me even more each time he came back.

"I'm dead Matt, there's nothing that you can do about it, you can't bring me back, I'm sorry!" Jonah yelled at me.

"Please tell me how you died. I don't care how bad it is, or how badly it affects you, I'll hold you until you're alright again. Sounds selfish, doesn't it, but it's not. I want you to finally tell me what's keeping you here." I begged him.

"Alright." He sat down next to me on the bed. "One night during one of the séance's something went wrong. I had killed a bunch of people that night Matthew, something I could never ever take back. The spirits were angry with me so I ran. I ran right into the dumbwaiter upstairs, and when it brought me down to the basement I got locked in the incinerator." He paused.

"Jonah, no." I whispered.

"I burned to death in this house, Matthew. The spirits of the people that I killed punishing me." I put my arm around him as he cried, and silent tears streaked my cheeks. I hugged him tightly.

_They call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone__  
__But for what we've become, we just feel more alone__  
__Always weigh what I've lost against what I left__  
__Progress report: I am missing you to death_

For a few days after that he didn't come back. I was dying on the inside, not seeing him at all. I have grown an odd attachment to Jonah in the weeks that he's been here, and attachment that will bring me to hell. I loved him. When he did come back though, I hugged him so tightly that it probably would have killed him if he wasn't already dead. "Oh Jonah." I mumbled, inhaling his scent.

"Matthew, how I've missed you." Jonah's lips landed against my neck and I took in the feeling. I knew that he was just shorter than me and hugging me, but the sensation of that, imagine what it would be like to kiss him for real…

_[Chorus: x2]__  
__Douse yourself in cheap perfume it's__  
__So fitting, so fitting of the way you are__  
__You can't cover it up__  
__Can't cover it up_

I held him out in front of me a little ways. "I want to try something." I whispered.

"Yes, please do." Jonah begged, closing his eyes.

I pushed my lips against his. It was a soft kiss, my lips were chapped and pushing mine against his soft lips felt great. It made me want more of him. Want him all. I pushed his suspenders over his shoulders and he didn't hesitate before he pushed his tongue into my mouth slowly, taking in everything.

"My first kiss." Jonah whispered.

"Really?" I asked him

"Yes." Jonah looked up into my eyes.

"Then you'll like what's coming next, although for me it might be very painful, but I'm ready." I kissed his cheek.

"You men sex?" Jonah asked sounding nervous.

"Yes Jonah, I mean sex." I said.

"But you're cancer!" He shrieked.

"What about it?" I asked him.

"Won't it hurt?" He asked, fiddling with the buttons on my shirt.

"Yes, but I've waited long enough for you, and I'm not going to waste this chance. I want you now." I kissed him again.

"You're sure?" Jonah asked.

"Very." I said, unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it off to reveal hit deliciously pale chest with nipples so erect from the cold. He unbuttoned mine and as his ghostly fingers ran over my chest I could feel myself getting painfully hard. The thin fabric fell off of my shoulders as I took him over to the bed.

_Someone old__  
__No one new__  
__Feeling borrowed__  
__Always blue__  
__Someone old__  
__No one new__  
__Feeling borrowed__  
__Always blue__  
__Someone old__  
__No one new__  
__Feeling borrowed__  
__Always blue__  
__Someone old__  
__No one new__  
__Always borrowed__  
__Always you_

He was sweaty and I was sweaty, all clothes discarded from our bodies. Grinding on each other we let out large moans of pain, regret, nervousness, and pleasure, mostly pleasure. Loving pleasure, not lust. Everything but lust. Our tongues danced together and I pushed into him gently. He was a tight boy. I figured as much because he was a virgin. I was surprised as to the connection that I had with the dead. This felt so real. If I were to ever tell anyone that I had sex with a ghost, they would put me in a mental home for sure. Jonah let out a shriek of pain as my body burned with hurt. I pushed it aside as I let Jonah adjust to me.

"Matthew, more." He begged me.

I began to pull out and push back id, letting him scream with pleasure every time. He reached down to his own dick and began pumping himself to the rhythm that I was making. I wanted to cry out with pain and pleasure, but I held back. His entranced tightly wrapped around me and so warm, so tight, he was perfect. This had to be real, he couldn't be dead. It's impossible.

"Matt, what are you doing!" My mother yelled.

"Don't stop." Jonah whispered. He was still here, my mother couldn't see him.

I didn't stop, but I sat there for a minute, still inside of him. "Mom, can we just…talk about this later…?" I asked as Jonah pushed me all the way inside of him, he yelped with pleasure.

She just walked away.

We both came after she left, right on the spot.

_I found a cure to growing older__  
__I found a cure to growing older_

Days came and went, and the day that the other spirits started bothering this house, Jonah told me that I had to get rid of everything. A few days ago we found a box and some pictures. Pictures of Jonah. Black and white and old. I wanted to keep them, but I couldn't. I was well aware of that now. I had to burn down the house and everything in it.

"But won't it mean that you'll be gone too?" I asked him.

"Yes." He nodded, biting his lip.

I stood up quickly. "Jonah, no, no, no! I can't do that! I can't live without you!" I burst into a fit of painful tears.

"You're going to have to, Matthew." He whispered, touching my cheek.

"I can't, Jonah." I whispered.

"You're strong Matthew, yes you can." He held me while I cried.

I hugged him very tightly, never wanting to let go of him. I didn't want him to be gone.

"I can never love again after you." I promised him.

"You'll find me one day." He promised back.

_[Chorus: x2]__  
__Douse yourself in cheap perfume it's__  
__So fitting, so fitting of the way you are__  
__You can't cover it up__  
__Can't cover it up_

We shared our last kiss in that white world. "I'll miss you Matthew." He whispered.

"I'll miss you too, Jonah." And I was brought back to life by the paramedics. The reverend was looking to his side, yet I saw nothing. I knew that it was Jonah though. It had to be Jonah. Although I couldn't see him, he was there with me, so I smiled.


End file.
